


I wear your seastone in my veins (it's weighing me down)

by vindice



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Coping, Dissociation, Loneliness, Other, Pre-Canon, Ten Years Later Verse (Reborn), With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility, she's trying okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 14:50:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16789111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vindice/pseuds/vindice
Summary: Yuni is aware of her place in this world.





	I wear your seastone in my veins (it's weighing me down)

**Author's Note:**

> Saved under “Grief. - Yuni”

Yuni opens her eyes exactly half an hour before the alarm goes off, and stares blankly at the gray shaded ceiling just as she always does.

She stares without really seeing and waits for the moment to come where she just turns it off a second before it starts ringing. After that she gets up slowly, almost sluggish if not for the fact she knows her body won’t be getting tired in that way for a while yet. She looks at nothing on the floor as she slips on her slippers, stands and walks towards the door, muscles set in autopilot.

She goes to the bathroom, opens the tap, shoves her hands underneath without waiting for the hot water to start running. Doesn’t flinch when the ice cold hits her, doesn’t feel the pinpricks.

Her skin feels numb and her heart feels numb and her mind feels numb. It’s a familiar dance, this one she does around this time of the year ever since she started to See.

She washes her face after a few moments of zoning out, and by then she can tell the water is warm. Yuni stares, closes the red faucet and opens the blue. The cold comes back and she repeats the process she just went through.

Warm isn’t enough these days.

Droplets roll down her arms and neck, getting lost under the edge of her nightgown, and she dries them with the washcloth. The stranger in the mirror looks blankly at her and Yuni watches back without blinking. They stay like that for a few moments before she acknowledges the sound of the water still running and closes the tap. She walks out and doesn’t look back at her reflection.

Yuni sits on the only chair she owns, eats the warm oatmeal already waiting on the table of her too large kitchen because she taught herself manners and she’s going to use them even if her tongue is tasteless and her throat is ash. There’s an unnoticeable trail of amiable Mist Flames next to the bowl that aren’t her own. She sits there long after she’s done.

By the time she gets up to put the dish in the sink and fill it with water dawn is already shyly peeking on the horizon, and her toes feel warm. There is a stain of dust near the far left corner of the window. She thinks she needs new curtains; green is starting to feel dull, like a lie.

She wanders back to the only room there is in here, through the too long hallways of the too big and too lonely cabin. It’s supposed to be fit for her, a single person, but every morning she wakes up it seems as if it’s only gotten bigger than the day before. At least that’s something she isn’t going to miss—or maybe she will.

She goes directly to her closet, picks up the white attire that wasn’t there the prior night. She ignores how the sensitivity is coming back to her skin and the way her tattoo itches on her cheekbone, weighs on her like seastone. The hat is left resting on her desk and her coat hanging from the bedpost. She doesn’t look towards her bedside table, where the rest of her life lies waiting in warm amber and soothing asphyxiation.

Yuni throws herself onto the bed and wraps her favorite blanket around her body for the last time ever, and stares blankly at the white paint illuminated by the sunshine coming through the uncovered windows.

The haze in her mind slowly fades, the numbness threatens to undo its hold around something inside of her. She keeps staring at the ceiling, counts the specks of dust dancing in harmony throughout the rays of sun.

She gets up close to eleven; slides her shoes in and puts on her coat, clasps her hands into her lap. Yuni closes her eyes and takes a breathe, thinks of everything she hasn’t seen but she has. Mother flashes in her thoughts, in the memories that could have but aren’t hers, and her heart clenches.

Yuni opens her eyes and reaches for the pacifier. She stares at it, inconspicuous and harmless as it seems. It barely weighs anything against her grip, yet she feels like Atlas when she slides it on.

She gets up, takes her hat, and exits her childhood bedroom.

She makes it to the entrance before everything catches up to her. Her knees buckle just as she touches the knob, hat clenched in her hand, icy dullness wrapped around her heart melting all too fast. Yuni bites her lip and sighs, suddenly exhausted, her soul so weary and bones so tired. She slides down to the floor, forehead pressed to the oak door, heart heavy.

Her fingertips are cold, her palms warm, wrists hot as fresh liquid spills onto the creases. Once the first tear comes she can’t stop the ones that follow. She cries, unable and unwilling to keep it all inside any longer.

Yuni mourns.

She mourns; for the mother she didn’t know but she did, for the family she didn’t have but she does, for the (not-hers) elements she won’t save but she will, for the friends that don’t know her but they do.

And so Yuni keens, sobs so hard she isn’t making any sound and gasps so harsh her throat hurts and her lungs burn. Her sleeve is in her eyes trying and failing to contain her tears, but at least she’s crying now and not when she introduces to Genkishi or Gamma or her Famiglia.

She sits there on the floor, head against the door, hands clasped together over her heart in a prayer to a god she’s not sure she believes in.

Then she wipes her eyes and stands and finally opens the door behind her, thanking quietly to the kind person who reached out and kept her company all her life, wondering if she’s ever going to feel them again, to see their Mist Flames waiting on whichever tables she’s going to be eating from now on or if that’s also something she doesn’t deserve to keep.

Yuni is aware of her place in this world.

That doesn’t make it easier.

She still puts on a small smile, sweet and bright and just this side of innocent, and pretends her blood and mind and sight aren’t just a curse.

Yuni smiles, because no matter what she sees from now on, she wants the people around her to be happy.

She waits for Genkishi so she can go home, and pretends the world isn’t about to be given to her only to be cruelly ripped off in a few months.

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to channel my sadness.


End file.
